Start with Subtle & Gentle

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After years of trying different things (and still exploring) I'm amazed by how effective, transformative, and powerful the subtle and gentle approach can be. I do believe intense practices and peak experiences (such as a major emotional breakthrough or release) have their place but my suggestion is don't buy into all the hype. Emotional healing often unfolds in a very similar way to physical healing. We would never ask someone who is just starting to recover from a major injury that affected most of their body to start immediately doing intense exercise because it's "good" for them. To prevent injury and overwhelm, we build up the skills, support, and strength, the foundation we need first, before engaging in more intense practices. You might be surprised to discover that subtle practices can sometimes be even more powerful, especially in the long run, than all the "intense" stuff. Integration is a vital part of the healing process. And in the culture of healing, intense experiences can cause more harm than good because they lack the foundations needed for integration to take root.

When it comes to the subtle and gentle, routine consistency can yield dramatic results.

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Practice Being Skeptical, Safe & Curious, Open 

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Curiosity is one of the most beneficial qualities when it comes to our healing process. But I find it's equally important to practice prioritizing our safety and being aware of any red flags along the way.

This may seem like a contradiction at first but they can actually complement each other. We are multifaceted beings, capable of many things and it will serve you immensely. It might feel like a lot of effort initially but just like driving a car, it can quickly become second nature. Some helpful tools are, whenever making a choice or decision to try something new, be it a new therapist, practice, or group activity, ask yourself "What concerns am I noticing? Are there any green flags? Are there any red flags?" "How can I be curious and prioritize my safety while doing this?". All new things come with some degree of risk. But there's so much we can do to prioritize our safety along the way. And when it comes to being curious and open, we do not need to believe in something in order to try it. For example, you may be very skeptical and may not believe in energy work at all. But you can still be curious and open to trying it anyway, with someone who you've done some research on and has lots of green flags for you.

You do not have to "believe" something will work to try it or even benefit from it.

 

 

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Treat Everything like it's a Skill

 

​Sometimes we approach a healing practice or technique like it's supposed to be a magic wand and instantly fix everything. And when it doesn't work that way, we can give up easily, overwhelmed by a feeling of hopelessness and disappointment. Yes medical (and emotional) miracles happen all the time, but treating our healing process like it's a skill gives us so much more in return.

All skills need time, practice, and good mentorship to develop.

And all skills require making mistakes and adjusting as we go. Give yourself permission to make mistakes. Practice developing the skill of allowing mistakes to be a part of the process and not a reflection of your self-worth or ability. You can also consult with a trained/licensed professional (who can accommodate your financial needs) to help you discern whether it's more beneficial to invest in developing a certain skill or best to move on to something else. Learning how to reparent ourselves through Parts Work is especially helpful if we're very critical of ourselves and struggle with making decisions or with making mistakes. Being wrong can be great!

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Prioritize Relationship Over Outcome

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We all want to be healthy, to be healed. Getting results can let us know if something we're trying is working or not. But so much of the healing process has more to do with our relationship with what's happening in the moment than the results/outcome we are looking for. Relationship means how I'm treating myself/others when I'm/they are suffering.

When we have established healthy and loving relationships with our pain, our illness etc the results we're looking for often happen naturally, with more speed and ease.

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Here's an example, let's say we've been experiencing panic attacks, maybe even for years. We've been doing lots of healing work and practices to help us heal from these panic attacks which can be debilitating. After months of hard work, and no panic attacks, all of a sudden we feel one starting... If we are "results" driven, we could feel overwhelmed with frustration, shame, or anger and even more panic in response to the panic attack. "All this work was for nothing, it's happening again!".

 

If we focus on our relationship, let's say with the panic attack, we focus on parenting ourselves with love and understanding. Just like a healthy parent would tend to a scared child, we approach our panic attack like a scared child. Allow it to happen, to express itself, and offer support and help. We may even say loving things to ourselves such as, it's ok, I'm here for you. Then later after the panic attack has passed we can comfort ourselves and then review what were some contributing factors. Was I overstimulated by something? Was a traumatic memory triggered? This shift in focus can powerfully help us heal on a very deep level.

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Love, Love, and More Love

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I am convinced that love truly is the most powerful force in existence. Love meaning to feel/be connected to/a part of. This state of connection naturally results in a deep caring for, nourishing, and deep appreciation or reverence. All the qualities we have come to associate with "love".

 

  This is also true when it comes to our healing. But when we're suffering, love can feel like a distant memory, a foreign feeling, or like it's impossible to experience. Maybe part of why we're suffering so much is because we received so little love. This is where support and understanding comes in. Understanding is like the bridge to love. The more we understand something, the easier it is to feel love towards/about it. Our bodies also have this incredible capacity for something called co-regulation. When we are around people or activities that are very loving, it can rub off on us. In many ways, we are like sponges.

 

Another thing that can be really helpful when love feels inaccessible, is to try the ladder approach. Let's say that love is part of a spectrum of emotions on a ladder. At the top of the ladder is love at the bottom, it could be emotions like indifference, hate, suffering, and disgust. The next step up from that could be relief, something that gives you relief, the next step up from that could be, enjoyment, something you enjoy, and the next step up from that could be the love you feel for your pet or animals. The feelings of love grow stronger the higher up we go on this ladder.

Like starting a fire, start with a spark and then nurture that spark until it grows bigger and bigger. Sometimes we have to start at the bottom of the ladder and take our time working our way up. Sometimes we're at the top and then we slide back down again. That's ok, we as humans are cyclical in nature, both physically and emotionally.

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Alchemy can be Exhilarating

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Healing is a form of alchemy. The process

of turning a wound into a state of

wholeness/connection. Sometimes when

we recover from an illness or emotional

wound, it can be easy to forget how bad we

felt and to take our state of wellness for granted. This is normal. We often don't appreciate what we have until it's not there anymore. One of the many benefits of doing healing work and intentionally participating in your healing process, is that any and all experiences of

healing can become profoundly exciting and exhilarating.

Things can truly begin to feel like miracles when we regularly stop to recognize how far we've come or when we watch interviews or hear medical cases of people who have recovered from things that seemed "impossible".

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I highly recommend learning about real medical cases that defy all the odds. Be cautious and do some research since there are a lot of fake stories out there. One of my favorites is

the case of Anita Moorjani. Her incredible recovery and verifiable medical records have been heavily studied by doctors and organizations all over the world.